Hidden Beneath The shadows

171108 - Pretty much like all cancerian, we hide in our shell a lot... i may deny it.. but what's the point of telling when I know.. if I tell, No one will understand.. and of course, If ever I do find some1 who does feel me... il open up... that day has yet to come.. anticipating for the one who truely deeply sincerely understands me.. or at least tries to... heck.. i don even understand me.. how can i expect ppl to?? lol... but anyhow..

I've living life to the fullest, enjoying every moment of it... savoring every bit of its juice till the bottom...

and sharing it with every1 who's willing to open up to me and be sincere...

Last night was another milestone in my journey. I actually accidentally open up my deepest sorrow to some1 i just met for couple of times..lol.. all thanks to alcohol...I know Im not suppose to tell.. but somehow, I can't control my brain... trying hard to stop myself with a clear mind... but anyways... Im sure she won't remember a thing I've told her last night.. cause she was pretty drunk.. hopefully cause Im not much of a drinker.. and Iv no experience in telling whether they r drunk or not..... yes... Bong Cheng Tzuu has only been drunk not more than 5 times and consume alcohol not more than 10 times... lol.. u can laugh bout it... but Im an athlete.. Im healthy... so wat!!

listening to her telling me her pains and sufferings reminded me a lot bout myself when i was younger... I totally felt it.. honestly.. I do.. seeing her cry it all out really pierce my heart and punctured a hole in me cause I was helpless in this situation... I hate it when I know I can't help to ease some1's problem... I've been tru a lot.. I know how painful it is... and I really don't wan to c any1 else goin tru the pain.. tru enough, we can't help every1 but least I can do is to help those who are sincere to c me as a person....I was really depressed last night Not cause I dono what to do to help.. its because she has to face the fears herself.. I can't replace her spot to face them for her.. Took me years to face my own demon... no one else can solve it except herself... If she is willing, Im willing to share my experience and advice.. and hope it motivates her and help her to rid herself off her demons too..

Haiz.. and I tot im a Heartless bastard who can't even cry no matter what happened.. I've shed tears twice within the last 2 months for others... I guess, I find it funny to shed tears for myself since I know I can solve all problems and If i can't, God and Jesus is always beside to support me up.. Now, i've learnt something valuable too.. the next time Im acting and am required to cry, I know what to think of... lol.. arghhhhhh..... sometimes really stress when you wana cry but can't cry it out... forcing myself to cry it out would almost always turn into a series of loud laughters cause I look so stupid forcing myself to cry my sorrows out in front of the mirror.... ish... ish....